Here’s to Christmas, and a Mona Lisa smile

By December 19, 2011 January 2nd, 2020 No Comments

They say you should never outlive your children, and nothing could be truer. But no one bothers telling you that you shouldn’t outlive your teeth, either. I’ve been thinking about teeth a lot during the festive season, for a couple of reasons.

First, my teeth are pain-free but seem to require the kind of capital outlay that would finance the next U.S. invasion of a small Latin American nation.

Second, white teeth have become an obsession for people in my generation, who are on the threshold of old age but won’t admit it. You know us — we are the people who want to live forever, and if we have to die, we want to look good doing it.cosmetic dentist london

No wonder so many of us have spent thousands of dollars getting our teeth cleaned, capped, shined, buffed, whitened, veneered, renovated and overhauled. At the end of it all, our teeth don’t quite fit in our mouths anymore. And when we smile, innocent bystanders reach for their sunglasses… Still, I find the obsession with youthfulness troubling at Christmas, because this is the time of year when you get to wax nostalgic and wish everything was the way it used to be.

What’s that mean?

Well, I long for the old days when our parents were still living and old people acted like adults. None of them seemed to care about teeth as long as they were good for chewing and their teenage boys didn’t use theirs to pry off beer caps.

I long for the Christmases when the ponds were frozen for skating and your parents weren’t worried sick that someone would fall through the ice and drown years before his teeth had worn out…dental implants london

Yes, I long for the time when Christmas had the bizarre and exhilarating effect of making you feel like a Christian for a few hours.

Back then, almost every kid on the block had his cavities filled with what looked like crushed gravel from the local quarry and no one much cared about it or even noticed.

Today, you get the kind of Christmas where no one is allowed to feel carefree for 30 seconds about even the most trivial thing.

Example: When I went searching Google for tooth news yesterday morning, I found cautionary tales warning people about eating and drinking too much at Christmas. One Scrooge of the dental world warns that the “indulgences and tempting treats of Christmas Day . . . mean the teeth are likely to be under constant risk of attack.” Geez, this guy’s language manages to make Christmas sound like the siege of Leningrad.

As for me and my teeth, we probably won’t serve the Lord this Christmas, to be honest.

And I guess I must face the fact that a couple of my chewers are in dire need of extensive reconstructive surgery at a price that would buy me about a thousand draft beers at Tom’s Little Havana.

If I don’t fork out the money, I am assured on the highest authority that gums will recede, bone will shrink, and my brain may catch a deadly infection. In short, I might get old. Not about to let that happen, so I guess I have to let the lads have at me… more

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